This young lady is Maddison Lang! She's my youngest sister, Regan's oldest and she's one of the most incredible people I've ever known.
This gentle spirit is so tender hearted and loving that most of the time you don't know how it's possible she can be as kind and sweet as she is. I'm sure she's got a temper and that everything isn't sunshine and roses all the time, but every single second I've spent with her since she was born has been nothing but absolute joy.
I'm amazed by her. I think she's gone through a lot as a kid. I've always worried about her and the situation she's been in most of her life. Regan moved quite a bit while Maddison was little and she didn't have a lot of chances to stay in one place and make friends.
She's also lived through the divorce of her parents and that's never easy on a kid. But through it all, she's put on a brave face, been supportive of her siblings and done her very best to make the most of whatever life has thrown at her.
Sometimes she texts me and I love our little exchanges. She sends me sweet messages with kind notes and in return, I get to tell her how much I love her. She's wonderful!
I know there's so much more to her than just this small bit I've written and the fact is, I haven't been able to get to know her nearly as much as I've wanted to. She's far more complex and fascinating than what I've been able to discover. I hope I get a chance to get to know more about her and spend some quality time with her. I know it will be time well spent and worthwhile.
This is one special and amazing young woman and I know she will grow up to be incredibly important to the people in her life. I can't wait to see what she'll achieve. I'm so proud of her and even more proud to say...
Maddison is a reason for being.
This handsome young man is my nephew Blake Stucki and I took this pic a couple of weeks ago when his team won first place in their division for the season. He'd just been handed a trophy and was posing for pics with his team. I snapped this one immediately afterward and he generously stopped and posed for me.
Blake is one talented kid! I can't believe how great he is. He's one of those boys who's eternally good natured - although sometimes a bit mischievous; but it's all in the name of honest fun and his pursuit of life. He's a boy who seems to be constantly looking at something else to do. He's taking guitar lessons, he participates in a theater class and he plays Baseball, Football and Basketball.
Both of his parents are active and you can see the impact that's had on the person he's growing up to be. He fits right in with them. If they're on the go, he's right beside them ready for whatever adventure awaits. I'm in awe of his enthusiasm and the joy he takes in the things he loves to do. He is the quintessential boy!
In addition to enjoying his Baseball and Football games, I've also noticed Blake is a respectful and courteous young man. He's always polite and treats me with a great deal of respect. This, more than anything, makes me proud of him. I see him growing into a strong, capable man one day and being the type of guy other people want to be around because he makes them feel good about themselves.
It's been a rewarding experience watching this kid grow up. I'm thankful to my family for sharing their kids with me and allowing me to participate in their lives. Nothing makes me happier. And that's why I can say without doubt or hesitation...
Blake is a reason for being!
Craig is my brother-in-law. He's married to Robin! I've got a ton of things I can say about Craig, but the fact is, they're all basically the same thing.
Craig is very important to me. He and Robin include me in their family on a regular basis and make me feel important. For that reason alone I think he's amazing!
He's one of those guys you meet in school or work with such a laidback casual manner that you're quick to laugh with him or trust him. As a student of the law, I see him as a highly effective attorney. I think people would open up to him because he exudes integrity and strength. I've also noticed how sensitive he is when it comes to the people he loves. His children adore him! They're constantly telling me about him in one way or another.
In simple terms, he's a decent guy and that's hard to come by these days.
Personally, Craig always includes me in the conversation and makes an effort to talk to me when the family is together. I'm easily one of the few who could end up in a corner watching every happening around me, but Craig has a knack for bringing people out of their shells and helping them feel included. Even in the most hectic environment.
I greatly appreciate his friendship! He went with me to a concert a couple years ago because everyone I knew ditched me and no one wanted to go. He stepped in and tagged along. I had a blast! We chatted in the Parking Lot near a Chinese Restaurant after the show and talked about our shared love of music. He doesn't pretend to be something he's not and he's a lot of fun when you're hanging with him socially.
I feel extremely blessed to call this guy my brother! He's built an amazing family with exceptional children, a wife I couldn't love more even if she weren't my sister and a circle of close relatives who lean on him when times get tough.
Craig is an example to me. I respect him and cherish him as a brother.
Craig is a reason for being.
It's hard to write because everything I want to say feels useless and awful. One of my reasons to write this blog is to let my family members know how they impact my life. I wanted to share how knowing them has enriched me or made me a better person. But that type of knowledge comes with knowing someone over time. It comes with interaction. It comes with building a relationship.
I will never get to do that with Mathias Seely. I will never see him, never hold him, never tell him how much I love him... My heart is broken.
For the past couple of days, all I've thought about is what he won't get to do in life. He won't blow out candles on birthday cakes, cuddle with puppies, open Christmas presents, trick or treat, run through snow, swim in the lake, listen to music or fall in love.
And I think about the useless horrible ache in my dear sister, Rachel's heart... How she and Tim will now have to go through life loving a child they can never hold or share anything with. There will be no first steps, no gentle goodnight whispers of "I love you" in their ears, no excitement when he sees fireworks or laughter. He will be the one they can only love but do nothing for.
I don't know how to make it better. I don't know how to get these feelings out of my gut because there's no one to tell how much I love him. I can't reassure him or give him anything. There's no display of emotion or thing I can do to let this little man know how excited I was to meet him, how much I wanted to know him, how happy I was he was coming or how sad I feel now that he won't get to taste ice cream or read books.
To me, Mathias is someone I know will change my life in a fundamental way. Right now, he's a feeling inside I don't understand and can't cope with. I feel utterly overwhelmed.
I don't know how my life will benefit this little spirit, but I still believe he is a reason for being.
As I've considered this blog, I've had a hard time coming back to it. There's been so much going on and so many things happening in my life. But I don't want to die and have my family not know how much I care for them. I want each one of these to be a message I'm sending out. I want all of you guys to know how I think and feel about each and every one of you. But I can't do that if I let my feelings prevent me from writing here.
So, without further complication, I want to introduce the world to my darling niece, Danielle. I call her "Echo Danielley" because it's a line from that movie, "Only You" and whenever I think of her name, that's what pops into my head.
One of the things I love most about this beautiful girl is her nerd level. It's completely and utterly neck and neck with my own. When I'm around her, I can geek out all I want and it's fun. She doesn't judge me for liking Disney movies, reading comics or doing anything adult men shouldn't do. She hikes her belt up and joins in.
She's also the reason I started listening to Owl City. Without her, I'd never have discovered this band and I've come to love that music.
I think Danny is a tender soul. I watch her sometimes and see a lot of caution behind her eyes. As if she's waiting for the world to throw its next punch. I think this sensitive and highly observant young woman has a pretty firm grip on the world around her, but at the same time, she's cautious about trusting and getting hurt. She's far more advanced emotionally than someone her age should be. And she has more perspective than most young people.
That makes me incredibly sad.
It's hard to live life without expectation. And to some degree, I think she let's things roll over her because they cause too much pain.
On the other hand, I see a brilliance in her. I think of stories and have all kinds of ideas. But she does too. And her visions are more in tune with the world than my own. She's tapped into modern pop culture artistically. She knows what's hot, what people want to see, what they're into and she has the talent to deliver it. For the past few years, she's turned to freehand sketching and her talent is outrageous. Her lines are clean, well-formed and she can draw in any one of a number of styles.
I can copy drawings I see. I can look at them and draw them almost exactly like what I was looking at, but she can mimic the style and draw something completely new and different based on a drawing. She's way beyond me. I continue to find new reasons to respect her.
There's a part of me that sees Danielle as a future artistic partner. I suspect there will come a time in life when we create some sort of literary, media driven or audio empire and she'll be my collaborator. But that will never happen if I don't get it together and start writing and working harder. Although I love the idea.
Nothing would make me more happy than to have this delightful, wonderful, amazing woman a more frequent and regular part of my life.
I also think being around her would be a good thing for her. She needs someone who will push her outside of her comfort zone while at the same time, knowing when to stop and pull back. She needs to be understood, accepted and loved.
She is a beacon of hope in a world of lonely darkness. And I say this with the strength of my whole heart...
Danielle is a reason for being.
This beautiful young woman is my sister, Regan. I call her Schmegel. Kinda rhymes with bagel. Regan is the youngest of my siblings. She's at the very end of the list and she's the furthest from me in so many ways. And yet we have a lot of things in common.
Like me, Regan feels a great involuntary sympathy towards animals. We can't always control how we feel about them. We see them suffering or leading a hard life and we want to take care of them. She has a particular way with horses; but I fear she may have lost that touch over the years. Her life has taken her far away from her association with horses and she doesn't have any in her life right now.
In some ways, I envy Regan's life and in other ways, I feel bad for her. I think she grew up during a time when mom and dad were doing financially better and things were good for them. I think the younger ones had an easier life than the older ones. But at the same time, I think they felt left out of a lot of things. Let's face it, by the time she came along, there was already a huge history between everyone.
I look at her now and I see a strong, capable woman. She's a hard worker and she enjoys her work. She puts everything into whatever she's doing and she'll do anything to make life better for her family. She feels completely loyal to them and goes to great lengths to keep them happy.
I don't want to get too personal about her private life because she's been through some things I'm not sure she'd be comfortable with me writing about. But I will say this much... The time I have had with her lately... I like her a lot. And I love her deeply. I feel a great swell of protectiveness when I think about her. When I hear she's been mistreated or someone's hurt her, I go into a rage spiral. It makes me furious.
Granted, she's a fighter and quite able to take care of herself; but that doesn't stop the angry man inside of me from lurching forward and wanting to kill whoever touched or hurt her. One incident lingers in my mind and I've never been able to get past it. I'm still furious about it and I don't think I'll ever move past it.
No matter what life throws at her, Regan is a great kid and she's got an amazing family. I adore her husband and kids! They're wonderful. I take great pride in everything she's achieved and I wish I had hours of time to sit and talk to her. Just bask in her presence. She's someone I can talk to and enjoy.
I'm not as close to her as I want to be. And part of that is the pace and schedule of life. Still, I think she's knows she can depend on me. At least I hope she does.
In the end, Regan is separated from me by years and yet, she's someone I care for and I feel like she loves me in return. I remember a few weeks back when I was feeling miserable, she brought me medicine and food. That was something I internalized because it meant so much to me that she'd do that.
I will commit myself to finding out more about this incredible woman and being a better friend to her. She's worth it.
Regan is a reason for being.
This is my mom... Right in the middle of telling me not to take a picture of her. Hehehe.
Yesterday was her birthday and she was bombarded with attention and people singing to her. She's seriously one of the most wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
So mom has had a challenging life. And I won't go into her history, (I'm not even sure I know all of it), but what I do know makes me admire her greatly. She's survived a lot of crap and she's lived a life full of people judging her. She doesn't deserve that and one of the things I'm most impressed with is the fact she's come out the other end and she's not taking it anymore.
Women can be strong in many ways. They can be assertive, aggressive and domineering. These are the strong women we often see in television and movies. But my mom is a woman whose strength lay in those quiet moments when she'd talk to you and make you feel like you were the most important person on the planet. Even with competition from my siblings for attention, she could always make you think you were secretly, her favorite kid. Whatever pain or trouble you were going through, she could make it seem easy to overcome.
She's a fun loving person and her grandkids are the object of her affection. She loves being with them and making them feel special. I know each one of them believes they are the greatest kid in the world because grandma loves them.
She's someone I feel collaborative with. I feel like I can do things with her and enjoy the experience. I also love one quality she possesses I think is truly rare. When she receives a gift, she receives it with her whole heart and soul. She is moved by kindness and responds to good qualities in others.
I respect her opinions and I seek after her thoughts on many subjects. Especially trivial things.
She someone I never seem to get enough time with.
For those of you keeping score, I call her "El Madero".
Ultimately, the greatest compliment I can pay her is this... She's my friend. Not just my mom. And I love that closeness. Happy Birthday, my wonderful mom!
Mom is a reason for being!
