014. BECKY

This is my older sister, Becky Gifford.  There are so many things I can say about her.  So much history and most of it I can't remember.  But I do have strong feelings for her and I think about her a lot.

Yesterday was her birthday and for those of you who don't know this already, Becky and I are Irish twins.  That means we have the same parents and we were born the same year.  She was born in January, I was born in December.

Growing up was kinda different for both of us.  Usually, the firstborn gets to have a relationship with the parents that's special.  They get time all to themselves.  With me showing up almost right behind her, Becky was cheated out of that experience.  And I've always been right there...  Right behind her.

We weren't very close growing up.  I don't think she liked me much and I don't remember how I felt about her, but I do know some things.  I remember when she got married and moved away.  I felt a horrible sadness.  Maybe because her leaving was a sign my own childhood was coming to an end; but I think it was because I had so many regrets.  And suddenly, she was gone and I could never fix the things I'd done wrong.  I couldn't form a strong friendship with her.

We've stayed in touch all these years and I've had many amazing experiences with her as an adult.  So many, I can't begin to count.  Dumpster diving in Vegas for coupons, going shopping, hanging out at her house and more recently, getting to know her and her family better.

You can't talk about Becky with anyone in the family without hearing how much she's inspired everyone and how much of an example she's been to each of her siblings.

I've gained a great deal of respect for her and my love for her deepens constantly.  This wonderful, special, kind and loving woman has raised an amazing family, held down a successful marriage and continues to make ends meet regardless of the curves life throws at her.

And she's been a gentle stillness in my heart at times when I've felt bad and needed kindness.  Just so you know, I call her Shmeckums.

Without a doubt, Becky is a reason for being.

013. DAN

This handsome guy is my brother, Dan...  He'll probably kill me if he sees this pic.  Hehehe, but he shared it online so I figured it was fair game. 

What can I tell you about Dan?  I can tell you my biggest regret, and that is not being as close to him these days as we were when we were kids.

I don't have a good memory of my childhood.  Most of it seems vague, blurry and unreal.  I'm not sure how much of it is true and how much is in my head.  But for many years, I kept a rather detailed record of my day-to-day and my thoughts about things in diaries.

I was reading back through some of those and I was reading about Dan.  Our childhood isn't as much a memory for me as it is a feeling I get when I read about those times.  As I imagine how they were.  Borrowing dad's watch Friday nights so we could wake up and watch Super Friends on Saturday morning...  Catching frogs and crawdads in the creek...  

Dan was my built in buddy as a kid.  We did everything together.  Now I probably see him once or twice a year.  But that's understandable.  Dan has a lot of competition for his time.  He's raising 8 kids and working two jobs to support his family.  Between his work and his kids, he's probably tired.  

But I miss him.  Very much.

I'm fortunate to be in contact with various members of his family, including his wife, Amy...  She and I are good friends and I get updated on his activities from her.  She's fantastic at letting me know how he's doing and what's going on.  In that way, I feel like I'm still a part of his life.

Dan is a good man.  He works hard, and does his very best to raise his family.  There's not a single word I could ever say about him that wouldn't contain my respect and appreciation for the man he's become!

I love him very much.  He's my brother.  I would move the world for him.

Dan is a reason for being.

012. RENAE

This lovely young lady is my sister, Renae Stucki.  I'm not sure why I decided to spend some time writing about her tonight except I was thinking about positive people who impact my life and she popped into my head.

The truth is, I never really got to know her as we were growing up.  She was around Brian a lot and kinda doing her own thing so I never spent much time with her.  Even as an adult, my contact with her was fairly limited.  That is until she moved back to St. George with her family.

Since that time, I've become extremely close to her.  At least I feel like I have.  She's one of the most generous, kind hearted human beings I've ever known.  She's got that fire most of my sisters have.  That spark you never wanna get going cause heaven help you if you get their dander up...  Lol.  She'd be right there defending her family if anyone threatened them and she's got an incredible will.  She sets her mind in one direction and won't accept anything short of progress.

I think Renae's greatest strength is her willingness to act.  When you stop and think about a dangerous situation or something that happens quickly, Renae is one of those people who reaches a decision quickly and moves forward to act on it.  I do it to a lesser degree.  When I'm approached by someone at work to do something, I move right into the job and get to work.  She does it on a much larger scale.  She's also one of those people who springs into action when there's an emergency.  I fancied myself as one of those people, but once at her house, Kade fell down the stairs and I was closest to him.  I just kinda stood there dumbfounded while she leaped past me to catch him.  There's no doubt about it, she's fast!  And that ability to act separates her from most people.

Growing up, I always thought of her as Sha-Nae-Nae.  That nickname seems less funny now that Shane Dawson has a character on his youtube channel using that name.  Lately, when I think of her, I get the name "Renesbet".  You pronounce it RA-NEZ-BET.  What the crap that means I have no idea.  It just fits her.  That's who she is in my head.

Oh, and one more thing super quick before I wind this up...  Renae has one habit I find endlessly entertaining!  She's one of those blooper people.  She'll talk off the top of her head sometimes.  And those statements can be quite shocking!  Even Freudian at times.  I wonder about her comments, but I also find them amusing and I think it's refreshing to be around someone who feels comfortable enough to say what they're thinking.  

I sometimes think God took pity on me.  I went in so many directions in my life I've missed out on a lot of good things.  Renae is one of them.  Knowing her now, I can't imagine not having contact with her.  She's more than just a sister, she's my friend.  And I'm so thankful I have a chance to know her.  

Renae is a reason for being.

011. JASON

This is my brother-in-law, Jason.  I give him a lot of crap and he gives it right back, but in the time I've been around Jason, I've developed an appreciation for his sense of humor.  Jason's got a silly, but dry comedic timing.  I imagine him on stage at a stand up club and laughing at his own jokes the whole time.  It's a wonderful world where you can entertain yourself so easily.

But seriously...  The truth is I absolutely love Jason.  He's one of the most generous, kind-hearted, hard working men I've ever met.  He's devoted to his kids and he truly loves my sister.  No matter how many games, birthdays or events I attend for his family, Jason goes out of his way to let me know how much he appreciates my presence and support.  He makes me important.  And that means a great deal to me.

Through Jason, I've also gotten to know his family.  Especially his mom and dad, Irene and Greg.  These tremendous people are the most genuine, welcoming souls that ever existed.  I adore them.  Even though I'm not related to them, they treat me like part of the family.  For someone like me, without kids of my own, and a relatively new relationship, those bonds are like pure gold.

Jason isn't the kinda guy who shoves things in your face or pushes his beliefs on others.  That's something I think we have in common.  I like to think of myself as tolerant of others and I believe very much in testing my belief system from time to time.  I've noticed Jason encourages his kids to find things out for themselves and wants them to make independent choices.  Many is the time I've hoped they would crack the whip and make Brock play baseball, but it's more important for Jason to let his son choose his own activities.  But once that choice is made, he's in full support mode.

I call Jason "Vanilla Thunda".  Mainly because even when he's not yelling at a ball game, he has an incredible presence and he concentrates intensely on what's happening.  Whereas Raelyn is the megaphone, Jason is the "white noise" rumbling in the background.  You always know when he's there.

When you first meet Jason, you won't see the compassionate man.  You'll see the everyday guy he is most of the time.  But there's a great depth underneath the crust.  He's got a hundred good qualities and I'd overdo it if I sat here and typed a bunch of them.  So I'll wind it down. 

He's a great guy and he's a man I'm proud to call my brother.

Jason is a reason for being.

010. ROBIN

Sometimes you meet people in your life who become very close friends.  And sometimes, they become so close you consider them family.  I'm sure every single person who reads this knows what I'm talking about.  In the case of this woman...  I'm extremely fortunate because she really is my family.  And one of my best friends in the entire world.

Robin remembers more things about our childhood than I do.  She tells me stories of things that happened when we were younger.  Especially things that meant a lot to her.  I don't remember everything, but I do remember certain things.

I remember thinking Robin was an outsider.  All of the kids had a sibling they were close to.  But Robin never seemed to fit in to any group forming in the family.  That may not be how she remembers it, but it's how I remember being drawn to her.  I hated that in a family full of people, she was alone like I felt.  And I made it my mission to get close to her.

She was my friend all through school and afterward.  Even though sometimes we wouldn't talk for months, we'd get back in touch and it was like we hadn't been apart at all.  I spend more time with her than any other family member, so it's only natural I feel a special bond to her family.

Now let me tell you some things I admire about this woman...  Robin is fiercely loyal to the people she loves.  She's been a scrapper her whole life and I've never known a girl more ready to throw down if someone she loved was threatened.  She's protective to a fault.  I love that she loves people so deeply.  It makes me feel valued and cared for.  It can also be scary if you're not used to it.  But I am, and I find it a quality I love in her.

She's passionate about what she does.  She approaches a project with her whole heart and won't stop until she's achieved her goal.  She's baked cookies for the entire primary.  And not just little sugar cookies, we're talking three layer, bear cookies.  

Her capacity for love is unmatched.  It makes her complicated and challenging.  I've never told her this, but I've always looked for a mate who shares these qualities with her.  She has just the right blend of complexity, crazy and love.  

She's smart and can see through people fairly quickly.  I've noticed she's trying to avoid using that skill so much these days.  She's trying to look at people more compassionately and even that is admirable.  But deep down, she knows when she's being played. 

Fact is, even if (for some strange reason) I ended up not talking to my whole family, Robin and I would still be in touch.  Our friendship is sick and eternal.  And sadly for her, genetic.

Robin is a reason for being.

009. ZEV

As I write this entry, Zev is missing.  She got out last night and we haven't been able to find her all day.  Chances are, she's just moping around somewhere and will come back when she's ready.  But I have a sick feeling in my stomach that someone has hurt her or she's been attacked or something...  It overwhelms me.  And makes me feel just sick inside.

If something has befallen her and she's gone, I will lose one of the most precious beings in my life.  And there's no way I can ever come to grips with that.

Zev came to me in North Carolina.  This girl I worked with, Kendra, had a cat named Midnight.  As much as I was appalled by the way Kendra took care of her cat, I was grateful to get Zev.  Midnight was having litter after litter of kittens.  Kendra would not get her fixed.

Shortly after she arrived, Zev was pregnant but after she had her litter, we got her fixed.

I could go on and on about Zev and experiences I had with her.  She was always near me and when I was sick or sad, she was there comforting me.  She'd cuddle next to me and lick my forehead when I was sick until I could fall asleep.  When I was sad, she would tuck her head under my chin and rub while she purred softly.  It was her way of saying, "You're loved"; and it always made me feel better.

She was so possessive of me and wanted to be near me so much it was often annoying.  I'd get mad and move her out of the way, but the truth is I secretly loved the attention.

Zev was Gizsch and Zyeet's mom.  I can't imagine life without her.  It's tearing me up being at work while Zev is missing.  I'm blubbering like a baby and I have no one to turn to.  That's not true.  I have God.  And all day I've sent out little prayers hoping he would turn her towards home.

She's more than a pet to me.  She's like my own child.  And I'm horrified I may never see her again.  No matter what, I will love her always.  I hope she's had a good life and knows how much she was loved and wanted.  Every day of her life.

This is an update...  I found Zev the other night.  Kaison is still missing and I'm worried sick about him.  But Zev is home.  I really believe God was at work.  I was sitting on the stairs, thinking about her and I stood up, went out the door and started walking.  I walked in a virtual straight line to Zev.  When I saw a dark shape on a block wall, I said, "Zev" and she answered back.  There was no turning, no random searching...  Just a steady pace to the spot where she was located.  She came straight to me, climbed up in my arms and seems to be relieved her ordeal is over.  I know animals can learn from behavior and I hope Zev has learned a lesson.  You'd think Kaison would've after getting lost last time.  It almost seems like I'm overdoing it asking God to help him come home.

January 06, 2014...  Update:  It's Monday.  Two nights ago, Zev passed away.  She's been sick this past little while and I was giving her medication every day.  She never seemed to get better, but she stopped getting worse.  She kinda leveled out.  The Vet told me it was a matter of time, but I didn't know how much.  She mewed very softly at me and I bundled her up and cuddled with her til the end.  I petted her gently until she passed away in my arms.

I feel so awful right now.  I miss her so much.  As annoying as she could be, she was still my Zevers and my heart is broken.  I will never forget you or stop loving you, baby Zev.  Goodbye

Zev is a reason for being

008. KAEL

Today I wanna write about Kael Seely.  This handsome kid is my nephew and he lives in beautiful Fort MacLeod.  For those of you who have no idea where that is, it's in Canada.  I had an experience with him last week that prompts me to write about him.

In reality I've only had 4 visits with him.  He was born in Canada and we rarely see their family.  He's my sister, Rachel's son.  My first meeting with him was when he was a baby.  Rachel and Tim came down so everyone could meet him.  There have been three other times, the most recent being a couple months ago.

My impression of Kael...  He's energetic, good-natured and mischievous.  There's so many qualities that typify a normal boy and he's got all of them.  He's got a twinkle in his eye that says, "watch out, I'm secretly up to no good".  More than anything I love his ready smile.  He's quick to laugh and always flashes you a sparkling smile.

My lack of contact with them means I don't have as many opportunities to develop my relationships with the Seeley family members.  It doesn't stop me from wanting Kael to think of me as an adult who loves him; a person he can depend on; someone he could turn to if he had a problem.

So Rachel calls me and mentions a story about Kael.  He was watching a DVD I'd sent for his birthday with his cousins and he told them I sent it to him because I love him.

To me, this little anecdote sends me into orbit.  This is exactly what I want him to feel.  Loved!  And the fact he knows it makes me feel like millions of dollars.  I know he's young and he'll change as he grows.  At some point, I'll have to update this entry.  For now, I'll close by commenting on what a remarkable kid he is.  His parents should be commended and they should also be proud.

UPDATE: So I found a nickname for Kael.  It all relates to a story dad told me about Kael.  It happened while he was visiting the Seely's in Canada.  Kael put on his suit for church and his dad had to search him at the door.  He had something like 17 cars tucked in pockets and hidden all over his body.  He was ready for church!  Lol. I know it's not an accurate use of the term, but I've decided to call him "Shakedown".  I always get a mental image of some dude being patted down when I hear that word and now it makes me think of Kael's Sunday car search before church.

Kael is a reason for being.