Like me, Regan feels a great involuntary sympathy towards animals. We can't always control how we feel about them. We see them suffering or leading a hard life and we want to take care of them. She has a particular way with horses; but I fear she may have lost that touch over the years. Her life has taken her far away from her association with horses and she doesn't have any in her life right now.
In some ways, I envy Regan's life and in other ways, I feel bad for her. I think she grew up during a time when mom and dad were doing financially better and things were good for them. I think the younger ones had an easier life than the older ones. But at the same time, I think they felt left out of a lot of things. Let's face it, by the time she came along, there was already a huge history between everyone.
I look at her now and I see a strong, capable woman. She's a hard worker and she enjoys her work. She puts everything into whatever she's doing and she'll do anything to make life better for her family. She feels completely loyal to them and goes to great lengths to keep them happy.
I don't want to get too personal about her private life because she's been through some things I'm not sure she'd be comfortable with me writing about. But I will say this much... The time I have had with her lately... I like her a lot. And I love her deeply. I feel a great swell of protectiveness when I think about her. When I hear she's been mistreated or someone's hurt her, I go into a rage spiral. It makes me furious.
Granted, she's a fighter and quite able to take care of herself; but that doesn't stop the angry man inside of me from lurching forward and wanting to kill whoever touched or hurt her. One incident lingers in my mind and I've never been able to get past it. I'm still furious about it and I don't think I'll ever move past it.
No matter what life throws at her, Regan is a great kid and she's got an amazing family. I adore her husband and kids! They're wonderful. I take great pride in everything she's achieved and I wish I had hours of time to sit and talk to her. Just bask in her presence. She's someone I can talk to and enjoy.
I'm not as close to her as I want to be. And part of that is the pace and schedule of life. Still, I think she's knows she can depend on me. At least I hope she does.
In the end, Regan is separated from me by years and yet, she's someone I care for and I feel like she loves me in return. I remember a few weeks back when I was feeling miserable, she brought me medicine and food. That was something I internalized because it meant so much to me that she'd do that.
I will commit myself to finding out more about this incredible woman and being a better friend to her. She's worth it.
Regan is a reason for being.
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