How do you begin to describe a man who has filled so many conflicted spaces in your heart, mind and soul? Growing up, I saw him as a distant figure I couldn't relate to. When you're young, everything seems new. As your mind discovers ideas and concepts, you think you're the first to stumble upon them. It isn't until much later in life you learn it's all been mulled over a million times by hundreds of thousands of minds since the beginning of the human race. I lost myself in the arrogance of my intelligence and saw dad as a cog in a wheel. He had his likes; few of which I shared. I didn't understand him, so I looked at him as a father according to what I thought a father was.
I guess that idea was more emotional than practical. I didn't stop to think about how he provided for his family financially. I just expected it. As a kid, I was more concerned with the lack of attention I felt. Between his work, church callings and personal interests, he never seemed to have time for me. As an adult, I don't know how he did it. I feel overwhelmed with work sometimes. How he did as much as he did is just beyond me.
It wasn't until much later in life that I actually formed a relationship with my dad. I think my interest in him started when I finally accepted the fact he was a human being and not some vague childish concept of a dad. I looked at him from the perspective of someone who was under a lot of pressure. That's when I started to understand the degree of responsibility he shouldered. As a Stake President, he was responsible for the spiritual well being of hundreds of people. All of whom wanted a little bit of his time. Tack on his work and family... It's a miracle he had a free minute at all. Even today I think his time is in demand.
So I loosened up my harsh opinion of him and decided to get to know him as a person. I think the turning point for me was one conversation we had. I won't go into the specifics because they're personal, but he gave me this relationship advice. He said, no matter how much you're tempted, don't speak bad about your spouse.
Since then, I've realized the wisdom in this statement. It transformed my life. I don't always succeed in my efforts to live up to this standard, but I at least have a target to shoot for.
The more time I spend with him, the more I learn from him. He has faults, like all men, but he's also got the wisdom of a man with experience. I've gained a lot of respect for him because he tries to live life the way he believes it should be lived. He begins every business arrangement as honestly as he can. He embodies many of the characteristics we consider out-dated or old fashioned. He has integrity, honor, honesty, generosity, loyalty and a peaceful demeanor. He's the kind of man I imagined a knight would have to be.
You know I could spend a long time writing stories about dad. Telling you all about our adventures. Some of our successes and failures. But I think the most important thing I could tell you right now is he's one of my closest friends. I value his companionship. I look forward to spending time with him.
He's helped me find a life path and that's one thing I've always struggled with. So there you go...
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